Spring, yes?

Well, the sun is finally coming out, which is good, but there's also plenty of grey clouds about, which could well mean more rain. But then the weather has been so unpredictable lately it wouldn't surprise me if it pours down, again, sometime today.

Meteorological reports aside, I'm currently relaxing with DIG radio on the set top box. First time I've had DIG on for some time. But then, this time last week I was well into my first game at MOAB. The week before, and it was round one at Bushranger Bowl. At least I got my Blood Bowl fix out of the way (thirteen games over two weekends, phew!), though I'm really wanting to get involved in a league once again. I have registered with SLOBB (Sydney League of Blood Bowlers) and should be playing in one of their leagues in the near future. The other options were in Newcastle and Penrith. Despite the distance, the Penrith one was looking more promising, but the SLOBB one is the better way to go, seeing there is no messing about with transport. I hop on a train at Gosford, I get off at Central and walk a hundred metres to the Good Games store. Easy. At Penrith, it's not much different, probably a two hundred metre walk. However for Newcastle it would mean train and a change for buses.

As for performances at the tourneys, well, at Bushranger I finished second last (out of 28) and at MOAB, 7th (out of 20). On both occasions I was using races that I had never used before, and though I didn't win a single game at Bushranger, I could've won EVERY game there had my dice been rolling somewhat more favorably. I wasn't thrashed in any of those games, the worst being a two TD defeat, and twice scored three touchdowns in losing efforts. I had three draws though. At MOAB though I was thrashed in the first two games, then drew the next two, then won the last two. Having gotten those two races out of the way though means I have now played 15 of the 24 races. If my finances improve next year, I could get a good chunk of those remaining out of the way. Without a doubt, in 2013 I'll complete my major gaming goal.

My spirits were also buoyed by the generosity of the Blood Bowl gaming community. At Bushranger, I had mentioned that I was building a Slann team consisting of Australian animals. By the end of the tournament, I had acquired (fairly cheaply) two more emu and bilby catchers for the team, and won a limited edition Kangaroo, which becomes the team's big guy. I had also got a place to stay for two nights, a couch to crash on, and transport to and from the event, including a lift back to Newtown at the end of day two, so that I could easily hop on a train heading to Strathfield, then home.

However, at MOAB, having acquired accommodation for the two nights, and transport to and from the event (with the tournament organiser no less), I mention that I would go to the big event at Can Con in 2012 provided that I could find somewhere to stay, cheaply. By the end of day one, I had accommodation sorted and transport to and from the event taken care of, with one of the event organisers. This was on top of a previous offer for transport down to Canberra. On day two, again, a lift back to Newtown and quickly onto a train back to Strathfield then home.

Back to Bushranger Bowl, on the Saturday night (24th Sept) I went out with a few other gamers, and got quite, quite drunk, on Strongbow Dry and Black Label Johnny Walker. I also met up with a couple of other former Corsair games club members, and continued to drink past three am in the morning, disregarding the fact that we had a nine am kick-off for round five at the tournament!

But this nicely leads to my current mental health status. Now that it has become apparent that I have not just depression, but a number of anxiety related disorders as well. My psychologist at the last session remarked that I had made a wonderful improvement since first seeing me back in winter. The depression, though not fully gone, is well contained, which now leaves the matter of dealing with the anxiety.

Anxiety related disorders is the number one mental health concern in this country. I'm not proud of the fact that I am in this group of "consumers", but at least I can say that I am working on it. The psych surmised that quite a deal of my social and specific anxiety comes from childhood incidents. I won't go into any detail here, but one of them was indeed life changing.

As for going out, twice in recent months I have suffered from "sensory overloads". The first being at the Hooters restaurant at Randwick at the end of season bash with the soccer team, and the second when I went out with the gamers a couple of weeks ago. Both places that I visited, were way too much for me, which resulted in me switching off, becoming distant, and very, very bored. (On the second occasion, when I left the club, and ventured back to a nearby apartment, I was fine, seeing I could hear and talk to people, and I wasn't being bombarded by music which I found revolting.)

I have always been like that, for as long as I can remember. I never liked the nightclub scene. Pubs though I don't mind, but rarely go to them, especially here on the Central Coast. Combine loud music, with bright lighting, with attractive women wandering about, with sport being displayed on the televisions (sans sound) and yours truly finds himself in his own personal hell, regardless of the company he's keeping. Even alcohol hardly dulls the pain. I find myself wishing I was somewhere else.

My psychologist though agrees with me on the theme restaurants, so I'm not alone there! And she understands why I don't like these places. I don't like the music (commercial dance crap); I won't dance to music I don't like (play ska, a waltz, or even something funky, or hand me my gloves and put me in goals and then you'll see me dance); I can't talk to people because it's too loud; I can barely hear people because it's too loud; and, let's face it, I'm not interested in picking up either. With all the stuff happening around me, I focused on the television and watched the Rugby World Cup and then the English Premier League, which I found a lot more interesting. Once people understand that, then you will get on well with me. If you want a happy chappy, take me to a pub, where I can get a decent counter meal, where I can hear you from a metre away rather than having my to strain my ear just millimetres from your lips (which isn't bad though if the talker is female :) ), give me a cold drink, and room to move and you'll find that I can be a very, very social person indeed.

Apart from the psychologist, there's also been the mental health support group meeting as well. There's a few events coming up, and I even attended one during the week, the Walk in the Park in Gosford. It was a good day for it, and it was good to get out for an hour or so. Coming up, is an afternoon tea at the art gallery down the road from me, and a trip to the reptile park up at Kariong in November, which I am looking forward to!

My moods though haven't swung that much lately, seeing I have been kept well and truly occupied. However, I have been finding that the work at the community centre has become quite, well, mundane of late. With yours truly getting up around 7am, to get there around 9.30am, for five and a bit hours every Friday, it has become horribly apparent that I hardly do anything whilst I'm there, apart from print up a swag of material, download music, work on a personal project or two, and create PDF Wikipedia books. (A very handy resource I must say!) Last week I created a basic document on Japanese War Crimes (of WW2), and another on the first Sino-Japan war, which was actually quite an interesting read. Yesterday, I created a large file on the Greek War of Independence (1822-24) to replace an old file that I had printed up some time ago. I included material on key battles, some personalities, locations, units, organisations, and treaties. The second one I created was on North American frontier wars, between the English, French, Dutch, Spanish, etc. I was quite fascinated by what I had read, but frustrated that couldn't print either of these files up. (The printer just wouldn't do it.) The latter I only just got into the start of the 18th century, as there was quite a determined contest between the powers for possession of North America and Canada. I have also created documents on Radetzky, the noted central European commander, Japanese "Holdouts" from WW2, and others.

I digress. I have had practically nothing to do in regards to the toy library. I've made two transactions in the last six weeks. I generally either sit around the office, or sit in the library, then the office, and spend a lot of time on the internet. Occasionally, I might have to answer the phone, or assist with a computer problem (often a very simple one) or do some photocopying/faxing, but there are two other people in the office on Fridays to do that. (I should also add, I have been asking the coordinator for new material in the library since the start of the year. I know there are funds in the kitty, because I keep the spreadsheet up to date. But have I seen any new material in there this year???)

I find that I have become pretty much surplus to requirements. In two years there, I haven't progressed any further up the chain, and am being treated more like part of the furniture each time I turn up. Yesterday I was in disagreement with the volunteer coordinator over the volunteer handbook which is being revised. I asked do you expect, say, a 65 year old volunteer to read all of this? (The document contains procedures, tasks, responsibilities, etc. which runs for over twenty pages.) I was told, in no uncertain terms, everybody who works in here has to know this and has to read it. I questioned a number of things, like why do you need to put in a procedure for covering vehicle accidents? Yes, I understand a volunteer may be put in a position to drive, but shouldn't that be in a separate document, along with procedures on "how to use the fax/photocopier", "how to use the laminator", and "how to use the chair trolley"? (I didn't even know we had one until yesterday.) I remarked, well, if you going to put those in, how about ones on "how to use a laptop" "how to insert/remove a USB key", and "what to do when you get a troublesome client in the office"? (The latter was remarked upon - we have the training for that. But I stated, a new volunteer doesn't and most likely wouldn't have it to begin with. Tough luck if they have to deal with one before one of the training sessions.) This disagreement put me in a really bad mood, which was compounded by a lousy trip home on the train. There were a couple of really mentally disturbed persons in my carriage (they were terribly loud and obnoxious) and from Wyong onwards, it was extremely noisy, with a dozen conversations going at once, and at high volume. I found myself getting very, very anxious, and had to retreat to my "happy place" and do some deep breathing exercises.

So, I have come to the conclusion that there are two things I would really like to do in order to improve my mental well-being. 1) Finish volunteer work at the community centre. 2) Move from the Central Coast, or, at the very least, re-locate to a better place on the Central Coast.

Both raise questions though. What would I do to keep me active? The toy library had given me a good reason to get out at least one day a week and contribute to society. And where would I move to? I also know that I can't afford to move and would have to borrow heavily to do so.

Points to ponder eh?

Anyway, this has gone on long enough. I must've really needed this! Tonight, I can be distracted by the start of the new A-League season, with the Mariners playing away in Brisbane, in a replay of last year's grand final. Also, on Monday, I shall be making a delivery to my sister's place. Her middle child, Acacia, has been wanting to take up music. My sister remembered that I have an old Hammond organ that I don't use. (For personal reasons, I have been very reluctant to get rid of it in the past.) Now though, I have decided that if my niece wants to learn a musical instrument, and has already started with lessons, then she can have the organ. The problem was getting it there.

But I have made arrangements, and Monday, barring unforeseen circumstances, I will get it there. My sister, and my niece, are looking forward to it.

Okay, time to wind this up. I need lunch, and I need to get some washing on the line, seeing the sun has decided to stay out. Cheers!