Au revoir toy library

Well, I should've realized by all the lovely little things happening during the week were going to get balanced out by something bad. I sort of saw this coming, but didn't expect it to happen yesterday.

The short and simple version is, I have left the community centre. Left, I should say as in "I quit". Once again I find myself walking away from a community based organization after a disagreement with a staff member. You'd think I'd learn by now, if I join one, it's going to end poorly.

And end poorly it did, with me picking up my bag, and just walking out the door, never to return again. The next time I want to see Morisset, is from a train carriage, passing through en-route to Newcastle.

Last Friday (7th) I expressed my thoughts on the revision of the volunteer joining manual. They didn't go down too well with the volunteer co-ordinator, her response leaving me quite annoyed, and more than a little upset. Yesterday, during yet another quiet period, she calls me into her office for a "chat".

Lecture would have been more appropriate. After inquiring as to my current state of mental health, she then proceeded to inform me that she was displeased with my remarks the previous week. When asked "Was I happy here?" I bluntly replied I wasn't. To which, I was told that I should've told her earlier, instead of her finding out "the hard way" last week.

The tone, at times, was condescending. It was also patronizing, abrupt and had put me into one of those "fight, flight or freeze" situations within a couple of minutes of it starting. This time I froze, but with dozens of thoughts crying out for me to get out of there. I wasn't being talked to, I was receiving a disciplinary lecture, akin to one a troublesome school child would receive from a headmaster.

That's honestly how it felt. At times I really couldn't say anything and there were short periods of awkward silence. She went through a list of things that I could do, seeing the underlining fact was that I wasn't doing anything whilst I was there at the centre. But by that time, I had already made up my mind that I was going to leave, especially after she used the word "tolerate" in terms of my behavior and condition.

Tolerate. It's a heavy word. At the end of the discussion, I thanked her for her time, and went back to the office. I slung my volunteer card over the hook, went to the bathroom, took stock for a few moments, then returned to the office, after signing off in the day book. Then I bagged all my USB keys (after stopping material I was downloading) and simply walked out of the centre whilst she sat there pretending as if nothing had happened.

She even came after me as well. I told her I was going home, although I didn't know at the time I was going to spend half-an-hour sitting at the station waiting for the next Sydney bound train. I vented my spleen to a couple of people on the mobile, texted a couple more, and by the time the train arrived I had calmed down enough to finish reading War of the worlds before the train had reached Ourimbah.

Tired? Yes. It's somewhere between 4am and 5am and I find myself venting my spleen in order to get back to sleep. I have plenty on today, and more tomorrow, and Monday. Once again, sleep eludes me. I think I only got 90 minutes worth this time round.

So now what? I won't be going back. Yesterday, strangely enough, coincided with the last day of my exemption from job seeking activities. I even had a phone call during the week from the Salvos about an appointment I was having with them on Monday (17th). When I told them I was being switched over to Disability Services, she checked, and cancelled my appointment with her on Monday.

My psychologist also rang on Thursday in regards to expediating things for my professional diagnosis. She had met a colleague at a seminar, got to talking, and we shall be making an appointment with her as soon as possible, so that it can be determined what else I have. I could say what my psychologist believes it is, but she wants to be certain, before embarking on treatment.

On top of that, the landlords turned up on Thursday morning to kick out some unwanted guests. The girly in number three had been "entertaining" some friends, who had pretty much moved into the place, coming and going as they pleased. A couple of nights may not have been a problem, but weeks? The property manager had asked me about them, after being confronted by one of them when she was doing the bi-yearly inspection on the unit. The landlords said that they had received complaints, and decided to take action. I wasn't complaining.

Then the old dear in unit two tells me the junk that she had stored around the side and back of my unit was going. Obviously the landlords told her to get rid of it. In a good mood at that time, I wandered into town for a rare game of something at the games store, which I won. I have also received invitations during the week to join two Blood Bowl leagues as well, one in Sydney the other in Newcastle. I have my first game for the Sydney comp on Sunday at Burwood.

Also, with some help from a mate, I ferried my old Hammond organ to my sister's on Monday. The money she gave me for it was spent on a few hours at Erina Fair on Tuesday. Lunch and a bit of shopping, and a few little items that I had been after. (A pity I didn't get the mail before I went. Waiting for me were two $20 gift cards for a pile of surveys that I had done online... ) My sister has also asked me to babysit on Monday night seeing she has been called to Penrith for a work related trip.

So it hasn't been all bad. I had been on the mend, and was feeling good about myself, but all that was spoiled in ten minutes yesterday. I guess I would've liked to have parted on better terms, preferably at the end of the year, but, well, it's done and there's really no reason to be turning back.

Like I've always said, I don't just burn bridges, I dynamite the foundations and alter the course of the river as well.

Right. I'm sufficiently tired now to want to go to sleep. There's afternoon tea with the mental health support group, then the Mariners play Gold Coast at the stadium.

Ciao!